Just a little something I read about.........

It something that took me a while to learn, still learning. Preston said it once, but of course like he tells me all the time....sometimes I don't quite hear him. He told me that me, along with all the other wives were fantasizing about their deployed husbands, and making them into someone more sweet, more perfect than they truly were. The downside to this is when the husbands do come home, the wives are in for quite a shock. I think that civilians do this also when someone close to them passes away. You don't remember the bad things, you focus on the good, and gradually the good things weren't just good, they were amazing. It is interesting because I have seen people do this, until I didn't even recognize who they were talking about anymore. I am reading this great book called "While they are at war", by Kristin Henderson. It is awesome. I swear I am all out of tears since I have started it. It feels so good to know other military wives go through some of the same things. Here is something mentioned in the book about making your husband into someone he isn't while he is deployed:

"When the person you love is far away for months on end, when his body is beyond your reach and you can't hold him and smell him and be reminded of his realness, when he blurs in your mind like a ghost, then each day you must redream him back to life. But each time you recreate him, you change him a little. You fill in the blank spots. Sometimes you fill in his outline with details of his own best nature, the person he could be, his finer qualities taking up all the space his annoying habits and human failings used to inhabit. And you fall in love all over again. "

I really liked how they put it. A lot prettier than I did. Just thought I would share that.

I also read about something else, and didn't realize what was going on until I read about it. It is called anticpatory grief. I am surrounded by neighbors that all have husbands who are deployed. Out of 7 wives, 4 of them have wounded husbands. One soldier wounded to the point that they don't know if he will survive. I guess in my head I was saying I have done this before....this is what we do...I go into superwoman mode. We support each other when this happens, we keep busy, we lose ourselves in serving others. I didn't realize how stressed out I was becoming because of the high numbers of casualties around me. I found this on a military website.....

"...the concept that during marital separation caused by a military conflict, the spouse that stayed home developed specific habits and behavior patterns that directly reflected the anxiety and fear they had while their partner was separated in a combat zone. The wives began acting on an assumption that they would, at some point, be given bad news and they had already started the grieving process. They anticipated grief and began experiencing it whether it was true or not."

Okay before you get all worried about me. I have to say I am fine. If you know me well you know that I am a paperwork freak. I love to be prepared for anything and everything. I like to study, and read. Because I have so many friends that are also in the military, I have already had experiences with friends losing their husbands, and I want to be better prepared to help them, comfort them, if it happens to another friend. As well as the possibility if it were to happen to me. Everyone deals differently, I deal with stress by trying to be prepared for every possible situation. Anyways. Just thought all this information was interesting. Hope you enjoy! Probably won't mean much to you non military folks, but to you military wives you will know exactly what I am talking about. Love yall, Katy
P.S. I just completed the online courses for Casualty Notification Officer, as well as the Casualty Assistance Officer, and passed both tests! Yeah!